It was cold and dreamy as she was, she was shivering in the warm, crowded environment.
-Drink your last glass, drink your last thoughts and try to engage in random conversations that are so far away from you.
The voices were high and sharp, men looked threatening and eager to find their way into the alcohol night. Surrounded by glasses and concepts it all seemed as an usual farewell pub meeting. She's leaving, isn't she? Poor weavy dreamer, poor idealistic person who decides to accept far less than she would want because it is all she can get.
-You couldn't say no, could you?
People embracing her, people giving her affection in a way or another, that is what she gets. Everyone touches her with their feelings and opinions, with their histories, with their regrets. A few of them touch her body because she still needs to feed herself as a normal human being. She did not succeed yet to be a whole spiritual person.
- You crave to find the key that opens the door to your inner thoughts and feelings, the key that makes you vibrate and conquers your soul. Are you still searching?
The wind blows strongly from the sea and the door opens harshly and reveals a piece of clear sky. Some people leave, some people come. They move on with their lives, they sleep, they eat, they drink, they work. They don't feel, they don't look for that essential part in life that can take them higher and help them achieve their potential. She has got ilusions, her meals are invisible thoughts and hopes. Her hair swings in the air and she loses her scarf. Going to get it from the dirty floor she thinks about all these people's dirty souls. They would enjoy using bodies for their own selfish pleasure. Where's the purpose in that? If you can't love you must still care. Reaching out to recover the softness of her indigo material she meets a smile and stays still for a while. Eyes, lips, thoughts try to discover what it isn't supposed to be.
They leave together to check out the weather and it seems quite nice and steady at the beginning, a lovely May night, a bit chilly, but still pleasant. Maybe she likes him, maybe he likes her.
In the end, they start playing to discover new things or she starts playing because she can't help it. The game develops each second and she starts lying to get him into the game. The stakes are too high, he doesn't seem up for playing anymore. She desires to play, she wants to see if he can raise to her expectations. She sets the rules, she has to start. She tries along the night to find this one girl to chat up to prove that she can do it in a gay club. He has to follow, he has to find someone.
- Is it really you that wants him to do it to the end? Is it risky, is it fun?
She enjoys it. It is something new and makes her heart beat faster and faster as she thinks about the end when everything will come out and there are going to be just the two of them talking about the good time they had pretending to be something they were not.
It seems he doesn't like it, he is too straight forward for this and goes for something easier. Maybe he likes her, but he wants something simple and linear. She started off as a game as she thought she'll satisfy her need for spontaneity and she'll get him to enjoy it. She thought he'll love it. He didn't.
- You lost, he won! You lose, they win. You play, they cut.
Where are you now, little drama queen, with your games of extraordinary masks set up on various scenes? Who do you want to impress with that thoughtful expression on your face when you know that all you want is to get the guy?
